My Connections to Play

Play fosters belonging and encourages cooperation.

Stuart Brown, MD
Contemporary American psychiatrist

Play, while it cannot change the external realities of children’s lives, can be a vehicle for children to explore and enjoy their differences and similarities and to create, even for a brief time, a more just world where everyone is an equal and valued participant.

Patricia G. Ramsey
Contemporary American educational psychologist

 Play in my childhood can be defined as primarily outdoor adventure. The pictures I included depict some of the natural and man-made materials we used in play. The creek was a favorite spot to explore with it's mossy logs, stepping stones and elusive minnows. The pine branch was a staple item as it was useful as a fort broom, a bowl of salad needles, a camouflage covering or as stepping points for tree climbing. The hammer and nails were useful when making use of old boards and plywood that Dad let us drag out to the fort. Dad was not highly involved in our play but permission to use scraps for the fort was a tremendous, behind-the-scenes support. He built a simple 4-post covering for us to use and build on, but we tended to congregate instead within the branches of the large trees. They clustered in a way that allowed us to be completely hidden within the grove. It was mainly just my big brother and I. We lived out of town so there weren't a lot of other children around.

My first quote describes this time. I never remember there being any arguing when playing around the fort and creek. We worked together, helped one another out and elaborated on a common storyline. He thought my ideas were cool.  The second quote reminded me of a season of play at our elementary school. We went to a country school with a grove of trees along one edge of the school yard. During our 4th grade year, we began to build forts within the trees and spent many recesses living out our imaginary world of adventure. We collected grasses and leaves for food, cleared and constructed rock boundaries for multiple dwellings and used our spring jackets as couches, tables and beds. This time of play is especially memorable because it was long after imaginary play had been squelched at school. We couldn't wait for recess to retreat again into our own world of play.

Play today looks very different. Many of the play materials used are store-bought, media-based and non-creative in nature. My own children do not have wooded areas nearby to explore. They do not have a fort to retreat to. I have considered what it would be like to have a community wood where children could go to build forts, explore nature and live out imaginary story-lines. It would have a small creek winding through it for water play, log balancing and dam building. This space would be overseen by an adult play partner who could support only when needed; assisting with props only when asked. No electronics or store bought play items would be allowed. Then again...perhaps adults should engage more fully. I believe parents have forgotten what is was like to have this kind of freedom, to watch ants at work or to come home with sap on your clothes.

Relationship Reflection

Relationships are essential to a happy life. There are different levels of relationship with close friends being at the top. At this level, there is a boundary that I do not choose to cross with very many. It is a place of trust; where I can be vulnerable without fear of judgment or condemnation. A close friend has your back when you are not even aware of it. They know your faults, and still choose to hang close. These friends are a true gift in this world.  I don’t believe one has to have very many of these. My husband is my closest friend and partner as we share life, love and parenting responsibilities for our 5 children. Most of my time is spent nurturing this relationship; listening to him, looking for ways to bless him and making our home a safe place. There are a few others who fall into this category by virtue of being close family members. My Mom and Dad would certainly be listed here. I have one friend that I keep on this list. She has known me for most of my adult life, is aware of my great failures and loves me despite them. Our friendship is easily maintained as we keep up with each other on Facebook and enjoy an occasional visit between our families.  It is a sweatshirt and jeans relationship; comfortable and safe. To make this even sweeter, my husband considers her husband his close friend as well.

 At the next level are acquaintances. I have many of these. There are various levels of closeness within the acquaintance category, but none of them ever truly cross that boundary line. Some acquaintances make great partners in work initiatives and community projects. These are typically trustworthy friends who have proven themselves committed to a common cause. My good friend in early childhood and my friends from church and worship team fall into this category. Some will be trusted with certain portions of my life and family, but the ultimate boundary remains intact. I have come to understand that I am quite introverted. I like to be home in the safety of family. I do not seek many social engagements. This may be viewed as a challenge but I am quite comfortable in my own skin. I am able to communicate effectively and with empathy without becoming emotionally attached. I am transparent about some of my own struggles in parenting children with learning difficulties.  I listen carefully, connecting people to information or services while maintaining my professional role.  I see having solid boundaries an asset in working with families.