Communication...A Personal Assessment

When I compared my communication survey results with those of my husband and father, there was one area of discrepancy that surprised me. I rated my level of anxiety during most communication exchanges to be in the elevated range. My heart beats fast and I have trouble finding my words at times. Both my father and husband rated me very low, assuming I did not have much anxiety at all. The reached this conclusion based on observing me on our worship team, singing in front of 500 people each week. At times I have to speak in this role and it is extremely anxiety provoking. However, from the congregational side, I do not appear nervous at all.

I knew that I had the ability to overcome these feelings and often do well with public speaking but I had no idea the discrepancy was as vast as it is. I feel that this drive comes mainly from me being quite competitive. I am thankful that I am able to overcome something that may be debilitating for someone else.

In addition, I have discovered that my communication with my family can be quite impatient and I am going to work on being a better listener with my husband and children; waiting patiently while they put their thoughts together in their own time instead of expecting them to communicate at the speed and efficiency I might desire.   

I discovered too, that my verbal aggressiveness is at a balanced level to where I am sensitive not to attack people and even when disagreeing about ideas, I am respectful. I like where I am at with this and believe this will be especially helpful when working with children, families, colleagues and community partners. I need to be a better advocate for myself and my ideas instead of remaining quiet for fear of raising conflict. Stepping out in areas where I am uncomfortable will help me gain confidence and be a better early childhood advocate.

The Communication Dance

My communication style changes throughout the day in response to my interactions. A good amount of my time is spent communicating with my children. My tone is certainly more assertive and at times shorter than I would dare be with those outside my home. Friends are communicated in a relaxed tone, minus the assertiveness with which I manage the children. This relaxed tone is contrasted with my professional style of communication. There are various styles of communication that I use in my work. I am careful to communicate to families in a comfortable and relaxed tone while maintaining a level of professionalism. I even choose more casual dress clothes to match this tone. This sets people at ease and ensures the best chance of our having an authentic exchange. My communication style changes yet again when working with teachers in a coaching role. The dance is always a mix of listening, empathy and thoughtful response. My style when in my role as Quality Assessment Specialist is not as warm as I choose not to emotionally engage with classroom staff. My role is to observe and gather the necessary information. This role is unique to all others in that my presence is quite intimidating and I can’t go too far out of my way to ease those feelings of discomfort. This role requires me to deny my compassion and urge to rescue in the pursuit of an objective assessment.

Every dance is unique in its pace and style; causing me to stay on my toes.

Silent Assumptions

I chose to watch a sit com on a network we don’t normally watch. Without sound, I noticed a lot of body language and facial expressions. There seemed to be some tension within a group of assumed friends, with eye rolling, arm crossing and one friend stomping away at one point. As the show proceeded, the characters came to a moment where they slowly warmed up, going from arms crossed to a smirk then a smile and finally a hug.

In watching this program again with sound, I had assumed correctly that these were friends having a conflict. Both girls liked the same boy and were jealous of one another. They came to realize that he wasn’t as important as maintaining their friendship.

I found that I felt familiar with this schema as my daughter is a Disney Channel watcher and although this isn’t a network we typically watch, the layout of the sitcom was much the same as other shows we regularly see. Actors on a sit com are typically quite animated making it easier to “read” their non-verbal body language. The progression of conflict to resolution is common and thus easily recognizable.

My A-ha moment came when I realized I was depending on a pre-conceived schema of pre-teen sit com content. I hope to be much more aware of my dependence on assumptions; based on previous experiences. My assumptions may be confirmed like in this sit com or I may find myself off-base, making it difficult to be objective. Dependence on schemas can affect my ability to authentically interact with others, which is essential for both personal and professional relationships.